I’ve felt the weight of the things you are feeling. I have been in that hard place. Maybe the details are different, but the general place is the same and my inner dialogue is probably familiar.
- I have questioned my worth.
- I have wondered if I am enough for my husband and my kids.
- I have beat myself up for every mistake I have made.
- I have second guessed every decision I have made.
- I have blamed myself for every struggle, character flaw, and failure in myself and my kids.
- I have shamed myself for the state of my home in both cleanliness and comfort.
- I have felt like I was failing my family while I was working and failing my job while I was with family.
- I have berated myself for my inability to better manage the numerous schedules of each member of my home.
- I have mourned the death of my dreams that can never be in part because I am not who I thought I was.
- I have determined that is was my job, and mine alone, to create an environment that is loving, nurturing, and Christ like 24/7. After all I was a stay-at-home, homeschool mom for over a decade, so the formation of any negative aspects of their characters must fall squarely at my feet.
Can you even image the kind of burden that is to bear? Of course you can. Sure, in your head you know that this is absolutely untrue, yet you understand, because those same insecurities, fears, and doubts creep into your mind as well. If I were talking to you, I would give you truth, so much truth. But when I am talking to myself in the deep places of my heart, I tell myself all those lies. So here is what I want to say to us:
- You am important, but you are not the sole influence in your child’s life. You aren’t God, so don’t own things you can’t control. Even in paradise, God’s kids made wrong choices. (Genesis 3) You need to give yourself some grace.
- Your imperfect, so you have and will make mistakes, just like every other parent. We need to forgive ourselves with the same kind of forgiveness we would offer to others. (Romans 3:23, Matthew 6:12,14)
- You can not do all the things that need to be done, and you don’t need to feel guilty about that. It’s beneficial for your family that you delegate some of these tasks. You just need to modify Jethro’s instructions to Moses, but replace 50s and 100s and 1000s with cleaning, carpool, and homework help tasks. (Exodus 18:17-23)
- You get dealt the hand you get dealt. It’s okay to grieve some of the things you didn’t get that you hoped for, but you need to focus on the blessings you do have. (Philippians 4:8)
- Don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow or get hung up in yesterday’s failures. (Matthew 6:34, Philippians 3:13)
- While there may not be enough of you to go around to everyone who seems to want a piece, you are enough. Your value isn’t based on accomplishments, your value is rooted firmly in the fact that the one who made you declared you as such. (Genesis 1:27, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Offer yourself mercy, grace and forgiveness. Pick yourself up and go to the next right thing.